Damn, I cannot use iTunes to manufacture missiles or biological weapons!
I have a confession to make. I had a long standing dream of designing and making weapons of mass destruction using a music software on my laptop. In order to achieve my dream, I downloaded a free copy of iTunes software. But guess what, Apple won’t let me reach my goal…
These are real screenshots from Apple’s iTunes License Agreement which I was asked to agree to while updating to iTunes v 8.1.1 (Mac). I’m pasting relevant sections of the user agreement that prohibits you from doing certain activities. If you have heard this before, see it yourself. 
Screen shot 1:
I can’t run a Nuclear plant or fly a plane using iTunes…
THE APPLE SOFTWARE IS NOT INTENDED FOR USE IN THE OPERATION OF NUCLEAR FACILITIES, AIRCRAFT NAVIGATION OR COMMUNICATION SYSTEMS, AIR TRAFFIC CONTROL SYSTEMS, LIFE SUPPORT MACHINES OR OTHER EQUIPMENT IN WHICH THE FAILURE OF THE APPLE SOFTWARE COULD LEAD TO DEATH, PERSONAL INJURY, OR SEVERE PHYSICAL OR ENVIRONMENTAL DAMAGE.
(I apologise for the block letters. It’s not me screaming, its Apple itself! I wonder why they need to write in capital letters…)
Since they didn’t mention anything about Trains and Buses, maybe I can drive them using iTunes…
Screen shot 2:
Not allowed to make missiles or nukes….
…you will not use these products for any purposes prohibited by United States law, including, without limitation, the development, design, manufacture or production of missiles, or nuclear, chemical or biological weapons.
Oh fcuk. I have to invent some electronic weapons now…
In the same paragraph, it also says:
…Apple Software may not be exported or re-exported (a) into any U.S. embargoed countries… you represent and warrant that you are not located in any such country or on any such list.
I feel sorry for the Pakis…
Screen shot 3:
Riots, God, non-performance, shortage of labor, fluctuations in heat… they all go in one coolest-sentence-ever!
…liable for any delay or failure in performance resulting directly or indirectly from acts of nature, forces, or causes beyond its reasonable control, including, without limitation, Internet failures, computer equipment failures, telecommunication equipment failures, other equipment failures, electrical power failures, strikes, labor disputes, riots, insurrections, civil disturbances, shortages of labor or materials, fires, floods, storms, explosions, acts of God, war, governmental actions, orders of domestic or foreign courts or tribunals, non-performance of third parties, or loss of or fluctuations in heat, light, or air conditioning.
Seriously. Acts of God? hear hear… I always knew Satan was the good guy.
- – -
If your dreams were as visionary and ambitious as mine, I’m sorry to have shattered them…
I guess now I’ll use iTunes for… Music I guess…
PS: For those who have no clue what I am talking about: Apple’s iTunes is the standard software on Mac (now also on Windows) and is used to play music, sync ipod, listen to radio, etc.
Oh the extent to which these corporates go to cover their asses… I suggest they also declare that iTunes cannot be used for pedophilia, sexual molestation, sub-prime mortgages and war of terror.
As if Square Root day was not enough, we celebrated Pi (π) day today. March 14 (i.e. 3.14)! I baked a blueberry pie because it was the easiest.
Blueberry pie. With mysterious signs on it.
If the mathematician in you is particular about his numbers, celebrate Pi day on March 14 at 1:59 am. Because
(Please, lets not count seconds)
I respected the mathematician in me and this post will be published at 1:59 am.
Blueberry pie
It was the first time I was baking a pie and it was such a disaster. First, I took it out of the oven because it ‘looked’ okay. After cooling, I cut it, only to discover that it was not ready yet. How lame, it tasted too doughy. I put it back in the oven hoping to salvage some, but, you know, it ended up being mediocre. I still ate it because I am capable of eating any baked dessert!
Thanks Odzer for participating even when it was a crazy time in Chandigarh, and Jeruen be ready, spring break will be over soon!
Updates:
March 16: Gopinath wrote a humorous post and even calculated his IQ. Sorry to say Gopinath, but you get a zero in that calculation!
March 16: Mavin, in a unique approach, started reading the book called ‘Life of Pi.’
With no promises of being saner,
Priyank.
√ √ √
When you are with someone as geeky as you… You do weird things, like celebrating Square Root Day!
This unofficial holiday comes but nine times a century. The numbers of the calendar align in special way. dd and mm are each the square-roots of yy. We recently had a square root day: March3, 2009.
3×3=9, √9=3
√ √ √
Square Roots, ginger and radish, very original isn’t it!
So, how did we celebrate the Square Root day? We celebrated it by eating roots – radish and ginger. Cut in shapes with square cross-sections, creating Square Roots!
√ √ √
- – -
Footnotes: Since many of you won’t notice, let me bring to your attention:
- There are 3 paragraphs in this post,
- Each sentence in this post has 9 words,
- There are 9 sentences,
- A group of 3 square root symbols appear thrice,
- The third root in the picture above is actually a potato. It is dedicated to all the people who argue that potato is a root.
Update:
The next mathematically significant day is the Pi (π) day: 3.14 (March 14). I am going to bake (guess what) a pie! This is a strange tag, but I am tagging Odzer to bake a pie, Jeruen and Rambodoc to either bake or buy one, Paul to share a memorable pie story and Gopinath to write a humorous post about people doing weird things. Who else wants to participate? More the merrier! Remember guys, March 14th!
“I hate the name Pavan“, I told a friend last night.
If you are an extremist Hindu OR a self-declared-guardian-of-religion OR someone who imposes their ideas of right and wrong, then buzz off.
I woke up to loud noises today morning at 5. Out of curiosity, I went to the window of my bedroom to checkout what was happening. It was too foggy but I could see lot of dust in the air. Suddenly a mid size branch of a tree came zooming by and crashed on my window. Although I was safe indoors, by reflex action I ducked. FYI, my apartment is on the 17th floor, so I am sure someone cannoned the tree branch. In a microsecond, all my laziness vanished and I became more alert than I’d have been after 3 cups of coffee (partly due to the panic, partly due to the excitement).
Later, I was walking as fast as a snail (almost) to my bus stop this morning at 6, stomping my feet hard on the snow-covered damp grass. Walking on the walkway was out of question since it was covered with ice and I didn’t want to play घसरगुंडी / फिसलपट्टी / slide at this age. The wind was too powerful and confusing – it seemed to blow from all directions and was particular interested in me. Since it was cold and windy I was covered from head to toe with winter jacket, boots, hat, gloves and scarf, leaving just a little opening for my eyes (I looked like those Afgan women wearing an Abaya, except that I don’t cross-dress) yet, it was simply impossible to walk. I was almost getting blown away.
Ah, then I realized.
Pavan पवन aka Vayu dev वायु देव, the Hindu God of Wind decided to tease me today.
So, what happens when Pavan decides to be naughty with me?
(Puku is my nickname btw)
He blows strong wind (phooo….) and sweeps me away!
But hey, who’s complaining??
Now, since the City of Toronto isn’t getting any better (yeah yeah, I’ve started bitching about it like any Torontonian), Pavan dev took matters in his own hands winds.
But, ultimately the God is a guy, and boys will be boys. After all that work, he decides to cool off…
Thanks! Pavan dev
- – -
Today was a very windy day in Toronto. Wind speeds reached as high as 50 kmph with local gusts upto 65 kmph. The cold winds stretched the temperature to -19 deg C (feels like).
I enjoyed walking in this brutal weather during lunch time, there was almost nobody on the street!
Ok, this isn’t about the Bigul (adjacent picture) that is played during army parades, I’m talking about Bagels – the donut shaped bakery products hugely popular in Europe and America.
Until today morning, I hadn’t eaten a bagel (I was a Bagel-virgin). I am generally fascinated by bakery products – cookies, muffins, cakes etc. There was this Bagel shop I passed by every morning and naturally I got attracted to it.
Previous week:
Toronto is usually laid back except for the morning rush hour which is very Mumbai style. So the maximum time I take to zoom past the shop was 3.2 seconds, grossly insufficient to see what was inside. Determined to investigate, last week I paused in front of it just to get a better look
“Hey there, good morning”, yelled the lady behind the counter in a machine-like tone.
“I’m just looking”, I said defensively. (Somehow I feed odd to browse or window shop)
She nodded and I started checking out. The smell was good (I’m talking about the shop, not the lady). There were round bread-like donut type objects of different shapes and colors. I looked at the price – “Single Bagel – $ 0.85.” Was it that cheap? Awesome!
Today morning:
Incidentally I woke up late today and couldn’t afford to eat breakfast. So I went to the shop and asked for a bagel.
“Bagel? Sure, what kind?” the lady said (another one today, this one had a thick Turkish accent)
“Ugh… any kind” I looked around clueless.
She simply stared at me.
“Raisin Cinnamon” I quipped (I am attracted to both).
Then she asked me something that I didn’t understand. I asked her to repeat twice. Finally she went to a toasting machine and pointed at it:
“Bagel Toast or no Toast”
“Aha! Yes Toast please” I was satisfied. She let out a grunt (probably thinking – ‘these, foreigners… can’t they learn anything before coming here?!’)
Then there was this Chinese girl in the subsequent counter. She was saying something which I didn’t understand so I presumed it was for someone else and I conveniently ignored her. After about a minute of shouting and yelling with gestures, I figured out she was indeed talking to me.
“What toppings?” (totally different accent)
I gave her the most puzzled look I ever sported. I thought a bagel was something like a cake or a muffin.
Re-framed.
“umm.. anything…”, I looked around to find an array of meat boxes and some green stuff in a corner, “Anything veggie please” (I had no intent of eating raw meat)
“Ok Lettuce? Tomato? Cucumber? What else?”
“Olives, Pickles, cheese – no not the slices, give me this shredded one” I said. This was getting confusing. What exactly was a bagel? a sandwich?
“And honey-mustard sauce, salt and pepper” I spoke like an expert.
“Here you go” she handed me a neatly wrapped pack
I proceeded to pay, but it was at the other end of the shop attended by a huge African girl.
The receipt read $4.10
“WHAT!!??” That was the scream inside my head. Thankfully I stopped converting everything to Rupees, else I’d have fainted. Externally, I just smiled at her while swearing never to come here again.
“No card, only cash” she said pointing to some obscure note on the counter. (She reminded me of Hidimba)
I paid, grabbed the change and escaped back into the crowd. Phew!
The first thing I did at work was to read what a Bagel was.
Wikipedia says: “A bagel is a bread product traditionally made of yeasted wheat dough in the form of a roughly hand-sized ring which is boiled in water and then baked. The result is a dense, chewy, doughy interior with a browned and sometimes crisp exterior. Bagels are distinct from the similarly shaped doughnuts and from the similarly textured bialys, primarily because of the cooking method amongst other differences.”
You may want to read the the (w)hole story, or bake one yourselves.
PS: This story is so unlike me. I generally don’t do anything unplanned, unresearched.
Someone forwarded this email today:
Q: Daddy, why did we have to attack Iraq?
A: Because they had weapons of mass destruction.
Q: But the inspectors didn’t find any weapons of mass destruction?
A: That’s because the Iraqis were hiding them.
Q: And that’s why we invaded Iraq?
A: Yep. Invasions always work better than inspections.
Q: But after we invaded them, we STILL didn’t find any weapons of mass destruction, did we?
A: That’s because the weapons are so well hidden. Don’t worry, we’ll find something, probably right before the 2004 election.
Q: Why did Iraq want all those weapons of mass destruction?
A: To use them in a war, silly.
Q: I’m confused. If they had all those weapons that they planned to use in a war, then why didn’t they use any of those weapons when we went to war with them?
A: Well, obviously they didn’t want anyone to know they had those weapons, so they chose to die by the thousands rather than
defend themselves.
Q: That doesn’t make sense. Why would they choose to die if they had all those big weapons with which they could have fought back?
A: It’s a different culture. It’s not supposed to make sense.
Q: I don’t know about you, but I don’t think they had any of those weapons our government said they did?
A: Well, you know, it doesn’t matter whether or not they had those weapons. We had another good reason to invade them anyway.
Q: And what was that?
A: Even if Iraq didn’t have weapons of mass destruction, Saddam Hussein was a cruel dictator, which is another good reason to invade another country.
Q: Why? What does a cruel dictator do that makes it OK to invade his country?
A: Well, for one thing, he tortured his own people.
Q: Kind of like what they do in China?
A: Don’t go comparing China to Iraq. China is a good economic competitor, where millions of people work for slave wages in sweatshops and help make U.S corporations richer.
Q: So if a country lets its people are exploited for American corporate gain, it’s a good country, even if that country tortures people?
A: Right.
Q: Why were people in Iraq being tortured?
A: For political crimes, mostly, like criticizing the government. People who criticized the government in Iraq were sent to prison and tortured.
Q: Isn’t that exactly what happens in China?
A: I told you, China is different.
Q: What’s the difference between China and Iraq?
A: Well, for one thing, Iraq was ruled by the Ba’ath party, while China is Communist.
Q: Didn’t you once tell me Communists were bad?
A: No, just Cuban Communists are bad.
Q: How are the Cuban Communists bad?
A: Well, for one thing, people who criticize the government in Cuba are sent to prison and tortured.
Q: Like in Iraq?
A: Exactly.
Q: And like in China, too?
A: I told you, China is a good economic competitor. Cuba, on the other hand, is not.
Q: How come Cuba isn’t a good economic competitor?
A: Well, you see, back in the early 1960s, the US government passed some laws that made it illegal for Americans to trade or do any business with Cuba until they Stopped being Communists and started being capitalists like us.
Q: But if we got rid of those laws, opened up trade with Cuba, and started doing business with them, wouldn’t that help the Cubans become capitalists?
A: Don’t be smart.
Q: I didn’t think I was being one.
A: Well, anyway, they also don’t have freedom of religion in Cuba.
Q: Kind of like China and the Falun Gong movement?
A: I told you, stop saying bad things about China. Anyway, Saddam Hussein came to power through a military coup, so he’s not really a legitimate leader anyway.
Q: What’s a military coup?
A: That’s when a military general takes over the government of a country by force, instead of holding free elections like we do in the United States.
Q: Didn’t the ruler of Pakistan come to power by a military coup?
A: You mean General Pervez Musharraf? Uh, yeah, he did, but Pakistan is our friend.
Q: Why is Pakistan our friend if their leader is illegitimate?
A: I never said Pervez Musharraf was illegitimate.
Q: Didn’t you just say a military general who comes to power by forcibly overthrowing the legitimate government of a nation is an illegitimate leader?
A: Only Saddam Hussein. Pervez Musharraf is our friend, because he helped us invade Afghanistan.
Q: Why did we invade Afghanistan?
A: Because of what they did to us on September 11th.
Q: What did Afghanistan do to us on September 11th?
A: Well, on September 11th, nineteen men – fifteen of them Saudi Arabians – hijacked four airplanes and flew three of them into buildings, killing over 3,000 Americans.
Q: So how did Afghanistan figure into all that?
A: Afghanistan was where those bad men trained, under the oppressive rule of the Taliban.
Q: Aren’t the Taliban those bad radical Islamics who chopped off people’s heads and hands?
A: Yes, that’s exactly who they were. Not only did they chop off people’s heads and hands, but they oppressed women, too.
Q: Didn’t the Bush administration give the Taliban 43 million dollars back in May of 2001?
A: Yes, but that money was a reward because they did such a good job fighting drugs.
Q: Fighting drugs?
A: Yes, the Taliban were very helpful in stopping people from growing opium poppies.
Q: How did they do such a good job?
A: Simple. If people were caught growing opium poppies, the Taliban would have their hands and heads cut off.
Q: So, when the Taliban cut off people’s heads and hands for growing flowers, that was OK, but not if they cut people’s heads and hands off for other reasons?
A: Yes. It’s OK with us if radical Islamic fundamentalists cut off people’s hands for growing flowers, but it’s cruel if they cut off people’s hands for stealing bread.
Q: Don’t they also cut off people’s hands and heads in Saudi Arabia?
A: That’s different. Afghanistan was ruled by a tyrannical patriarchy that oppressed women and forced them to wear Burqas whenever they were in public, with death by stoning as the penalty for women who did not comply.
Q: Don’t Saudi women have to wear Burqas in public, too?
A: No, Saudi women merely wear a traditional Islamic body covering.
Q: What’s the difference?
A: The traditional Islamic covering worn by Saudi women is a modest yet fashionable garment that covers all of a woman’s body except for her eyes and fingers. The Burqa, on the other hand, is an evil tool of patriarchal oppression that covers all of a woman’s body except for her eyes and fingers.
Q: It sounds like the same thing with a different name.
A: Now, don’t go comparing Afghanistan and Saudi Arabia. The Saudis are our friends.
Q: But I thought you said 15 of the 19 hijackers on September 11th were from Saudi Arabia.
A: Yes, but they trained in Afghanistan.
Q: Who trained them?
A: A very bad man named Osama bin Laden.
Q: Was he from Afghanistan?
A: Uh, no, he was from Saudi Arabia too. But he was a bad man, a very bad man.
Q: I seem to recall he was our friend once.
A: Only when we helped him and the Mujahadeen repel the Soviet invasion of Afghanistan back in the 1980s.
Q: Who are the Soviets? Was that the Evil Communist Empire Ronald Reagan talked about?
A: There are no more Soviets. The Soviet Union broke up in 1990 or thereabouts, and now they have elections and capitalism like us. We call them Russians now.
Q: So the Soviets – I mean, the Russians – are now our friends?
A: Well, not really. You see, they were our friends for many years after they stopped being Soviets, but then they decided not to support our invasion of Iraq, so we’re mad at them now. We’re also mad at the French and the Germans because they didn’t help us invade Iraq either.
Q: So the French and Germans are evil, too?
A: Not exactly evil, but just bad enough that we had to rename French fries and French toast to Freedom Fries and Freedom Toast.
Q: Do we always rename foods whenever another country doesn’t do what we want them to do?
A: No, we just do that to our friends. Our enemies, we invade.
Q: But wasn’t Iraq one of our friends back in the 1980s?
A: Well, yeah. For a while.
Q: Was Saddam Hussein ruler of Iraq back then?
A: Yes, but at the time he was fighting against Iran, which made him our friend, temporarily.
Q: Why did that make him our friend?
A: Because at that time, Iran was our enemy.
Q: Isn’t that when he gassed the Kurds?
A: Yeah, but since he was fighting against Iran at the time, we looked the other way, to show him we were his friend.
Q: So anyone who fights against one of our enemies automatically becomes our friend?
A: Most of the time, yes.
Q: And anyone who fights against one of our friends is automatically an enemy?
A: Sometimes that’s true, too. However, if American corporations can profit by selling weapons to both sides at the same time, all the better.
Q: Why?
A: Because war is good for the economy, which means war is good for America also, since God is on America’s side, anyone who opposes war is a godless un-American Communist. Do you understand now why we attacked Iraq?
Q: I think so. We attacked them because God wanted us to, right?
A: Yes.
Q: But how did we know God wanted us to attack Iraq?
A: Well, you see, God personally speaks to George W. Bush and tells him what to do.
Q: So basically, what you’re saying is that we attacked Iraq because George W Bush heard voices in his head?
A: Yes! You finally understand how the world works. Now close your eyes, make yourself comfortable, and go to sleep. Good night.
Good Night, Dad….!
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